SORRY for leaving a huge XF shaped hole in your life last week, I chose to get drunk and be hung over and didn’t write up a recap of last weeks show! It wasn’t really all that though was it? I’m gutted Melanie got booted off though! Oh well, onward and upwards (maybe?) as it’s Big Band Week CLUB CLASSICS WEEK!!
Start of the show!
The XF intro gets more and more dramatic each week doesn’t it? Freeze-frames a plenty and health issues with everyone. Tonight is either going to be really dramatic or just full of pointless sob stories isn’t it? Eurgh!
Dermot is brought out in the messiest entrances of all time. Some poor stunt double has been dragged on and done a few backflips. I really hope the producers have embraced the pure ridiculousness of this “bit” and not actually serious…
The judges are unleashed from their cells – Nicole looks gorgeous, and isn’t looking like she’s wrapped in baco foil like last week. Louis, again looks like a Bond villain while Tulisa impresses with her ability to make anything she wears look like it is from Primark.
Dermot has a little chat, and Gary is still reeling from Carolynne’s exit, Nicole says the week’s theme will suit Rylan and Louis gets booed for no reason. Well-done audience.
Chris Maloney (Overs – Gary)
I genuinely couldn’t face watching his face on my TV, so I went to make a cup of tea and a ham roll. I don’t understand how his nerves went so quick? Not here for a cruise ship style performance who will release a pointless album, which no one will buy. AINT NOBODY GOT TIME FOR THAT. I get back in time for one of the best lines from Tulisa by calling Chris the Stilton to Rylans Babybel. It’s official! Tulisa hates Chris. I’m a fan of ghetto Tulisa. She’s been a bit quiet and nervous looking the last few weeks…
MK1 (Groups – Louis)
The urban duo clearly weren’t happy with their Glee type performance last week and they are hoping to make things a bit more edgy by combining underground with over ground. Their planned mash up of Crystal Water and Pass Out looks good on paper, but what is it with all these mash ups? THIS IS NOT GLEE. With that said, the performance was much better than last week, but I really wish they just skipped out the Tinie Tempah tune. It wasn’t needed in my opinion. Nicole thought it was “SHAMAYZING”. I think I love her. Pork scratching’s, beer and made up words – perfection.
Jahmene (Boys – Nicole)
After a tough week, Jahmene brings it to the stage with a not so club classic song. Say A Little Prayer is more of a disco song, but because he gave me sad eyes in his VT, I will forgive. The performance as a whole was a bit all over the place, and very Jahmene. I really want him to sing something out of the blue and just get loose. Louis compares him to a little Ray Charles. WUT?! Throughout the judges feedback, Jahmene is welling up and it is all very touching. His little quivering lip nearly killed me off!
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Jade Ellis (Girls – Tulisa)
Jade has had a terrible week. That hotel is full of the dramz isn’t it?! She’s only gone and been put on vocal rest hasn’t she?! Blimey! She manages to make it through her performance of Ultra Nates Free. I found the performance very boring and really think she should of owned the stage a bit more. It’s not all about a perfect vocal – I would have loved to have seen this bishh work her sass a bit more! Nicole seems to agree with me and doesn’t think Jade believed in the song; whereas Louis thinks she is at a risk. Pipe down Louis! Although you might be right!
James Arthur (Boys – Nicole)
The nightmare week continues as clips from last weeks show are shown when James gets carted into an ambulance. Why they didn’t share such important information with us on last weeks results show, I will never know. It turns out he suffered from an anxiety attack. This means the mentor to act chat isn’t filmed in a pub this week. WOE! James is singing the not so classic, yet overhyped song by LMFAO – I’m Sexy and I Know It. It was intended to be an original version, but fans of the US X Factor will know this isn’t the case. Mr Walsh, in true fashion embarrasses himself by saying James did a great rendition of the LMFO song. Bless. Gary says it is the best performance of the series so far. My YouTube history of watching Rylan from last week ten times disagrees…
Union J (Groups – Louis)
Time for boy band numero uno to take to the stage! They are singing the departed judge from last year Kelly Rowlands hit, When Love Takes Over. It was an OK performance, that dark haired one obvs is the talent in the group. Tulisa loved it, and Gary thinks we are witnessing the birth of a brand new boy band. Does someone want to tell him we are in week 3 and they were pretty much born a few months ago? Thanks.
RYLAN (Boys – Nicole)
RYLAN IS GETTING HIS GOATEE SHAVED OFF. I really don’t know why. His rendition of JLo’s On The Floor and Rihannas Please Don’t Stop the Music is a tad bit boring. It’s like he has given up himself. Compared to the sheer brilliance of last week, I was expecting a lot more from this years answer to Chico. A few ass wiggles and winks to the camera are not enough to save this shower of sh..
The comments are recycled from previous joke acts. “_______________(insert joke act name here) we need you in the competition, you have the fun factor!”. Nicole is all over Gary Borelows comment with some clicky fingers – GWORRRRLLLL…
Lucy Sprags (Girls – Tulisa)
After having a few too many cider lollies and being thrown out of a hotel with Rylan, Lucy Sprags has proper #BeerFear (yes this is an actual thing now..) She isn’t braving an original song this week, and is covering the popular hit, Titanium. Gary calls her version clever and Louis thinks she is a brilliant storyteller. Maybe I’m just not cool anymore, but I really don’t get what Lucy is still doing in the competition. She should be on BGT. I’ve said it before; she is not made for this show.
Kye Sones (Overs – Gary)
A VT has not bought me this much LOLZ for a while. Gary takes Kye into another room out of the way from the cameras and microphones to basically throw shade to his performance last week. WE SEE AND HEAR EVERYTHING. This show is getting more and more like The Only Way is Essex every week. Kye is performing the song he performed in his first audition, which is ridiculous and the safest thing a contestant can do. This should only be allowed on the final, to show how far an act has come. Kye is sitting on top of some sort of bonfire trying to look on point and edgy #KyeFawkes tbh. Pointless production and making a few bum notes did not deserve him to be compared to Chris Martin by Nicole. He may have sounded ok, but I’m very annoyed that he sang his audition song.
District3 (Groups – Louis)
Boy band numero two – last weeks bottom 2 saved act are up next. They seems to be up for the challenge of club classic week and they bought it! Finally welcome to the competition guys! The vocals were on point, they didn’t sound too American and they worked the stage like it was a matter of life and death! Thumbs up all round from the judges! Brilliant performance and song choice!
Ella Henderson (Girls – Tulisa)
Carrolynne was the last performer in week one. Melanie was the last performer in week two. Ella is last to perform and in the new death spot. Can she prove us all wrong? She’s singing You’ve Got the Love, and with support from Adele on Twitter, and a few dance moves, Ella delivers a brilliant vocal with a side order of a few cheeky wiggles of her arms too! Gary says she should stop dancing and just sing, saying she is the Adele of the competition. He is obvs pounced on by Tulisa and she even lets out a little Kelly Rowland impression from last year. Twitter went into meltdown! I actually had a mental image of Kelly throwing her weave at the TV screen in anger and being held back by her entourage! Tulisa went there – and threw the shade!
What did you think of the show? Who’s your fave? Who will be going? TELL ME!!!
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