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Rant : Twitter Etiquette

This article contains explicit language.

I’m definitely not the first to speak up on this issue and I’m pretty sure I won’t be the last – but I felt it was time I spoke a little bit about how much Twitter annoys me with its daily woes and breaches of social conduct, commonly known as #TwitterEtiquette.

There are many things which annoy me about certain people I follow – annoy me to the point where it’s almost daily entertainment of which I can’t unfollow. Kind of like watching a really sad scene in a movie you’ve seen a thousand times – you know it will upset, anger and generally annoy you, but you still want to watch the car crash of emotion that is going to occur.

Note : All breaches of #TwitterEtiquette are probably about some of my friends, if you are easily offended, please read on so you can fix up.

BREACH ONE – The RT Bishh

We get it. You have gazillions of followers! We do not need you to repost every mention you receive. No one wants to watch every single conversation you have, seriously, we have better things to look at. It really is like repeating everything someone says to you – you wouldn’t do it in public, so do not do it on Twitter!

BREACH TWO – You follow me, I’ll follow you? No? BITCH.

There is always that plank that thinks they are some sort of Twitter celebrity. You know the type, tweet over 1000 times a day but only follow 29 people with 3000 followers. YOU are that person who goes to the pub every Saturday night, and without fail, you will leave before it’s your turn to buy a round. Eventually you will stop getting that weekly invite. If I interact with you on a regular basis, and you don’t follow back, bitch, believe I will un-follow your cocky tweeting ass.

BREACH THREE – No one cares about you – but you make me feel better about myself.

If you haven’t seen an emotional or depressive tweet every now and then, you really are missing out. I’m guilty for sending them out myself. You know, it’s a bit of release, a load off the mind. It’s fine yo! We all have down days! I’m not here for those dramatic people who constantly moan about family, lack of sleep, friends or love life. HONEY, this is Twitter not Oprah. Sort your life out, and get your shit together! Even though your sad, attention-seeking life makes me feel better about mine, quit it. Another thing that gets on my nerves is posting a picture “OMG – I’m so fat and ugly”- Ummm, bebs, chill out, and stop begging on the attention. I swear, next time I see anyone do this, I will comment back and agree. Serious.

BREACH FOUR – Spam Sandwich anyone?

I could rant on and on about those virus accounts “want to lose 30 pounds in an hour” or “make £2000 by just sitting at home” – they really do my nut in, especially when I could do with losing 30 pounds in an hour whilst sitting earning £2000 – THE DREAM. Anyway, these spammers are another discussion, it’s those who spam and are unaware of it. We get it, you have a YouTube channel, you have a club night to promote or you have a blog you are so desperate for us to all read, like seriously, we get it. It is an unwritten law of Twitter that you get to promote your shit twice in one week. No more! Seriously, calm down.

BREACH FIVE – Who are you speaking to?

You have 5 followers, yet you tweet like you have more fans that Lady GaGa. No one wants to see what you are having for dinner, what you are wearing or what you ordered at Starbucks. Save that random crap for Instagram! Ooh, wait, you have a Starbucks Frap with your name on it?! SERIOUSLY? Hold on let me just count how many fucks I give about this amazing picture….

Zero. Awkward.

BREACH SIX – I want a tweet, not a novel!

On that off occasion, you will have a story or something so fascinating and incredible that you just can’t fit it into 140 characters, so it’s perfectly fine to split it between a few tweets – perfect. What’s not fine is when every single one of your tweets end with “tmi.com” or “twitlonger” – the WHOLE POINT of Twitter is the restriction. Bypassing this restriction for literally no other reason than that you are unable to shut the fuck up is silly and you may as well just start a blog where you will have unlimited space of the World Wide Web to fill up with your fascinating musings of how you went to Starbucks and they spelt your name wrong on your Iced Coffee.

If I have offended anyone, apologies – but in all seriousness, I myself am guilty of some of these! Let’s all try to fix up, yeah?

#TwitterEtiquette @putasinghonit

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